Friday, August 17, 2001

Let's talk "Chick Cars". You know what I'm talking about, the cars that you only see women driving. Here's my growing list:

1. The entire line of Saturns. Rare indeed is the man who has the nads big enough to drive an almost entirely plastic-bodied car that is marketed almost exclusively to women. While I admire this rare man and his large nads, it's still a Chick Car. A plastic one at that. Sorry, dude, but look around. I will however retract any previous convictions I held or stated, public or private, regarding a proclivity towards shoe shopping and/or mother co-habitation. Now, having toned down my earlier opinion, I will state: Show me a man driving a Saturn, and I'll show you a guy that can't wait to get home and enjoy a frosty cold Zima.

2.5 VW Cabriolet. I've only seen 2 men driving these otherwise cool-as-hell cars. I honestly wish I had one. That doesn't make me gay, does it? No, but too many Zimas might.

2.5 Tied for second place is the New VW Beetle. Straight men simply do not drive this car. See what "they" say about it. http://cartalk.cars.com/About/Gay-Lesbian/letters.html
I like the comment one gay wrote about targeted marketing and VW ads always having 2 guys in their TV spots. Come to think of it, I hereby declare all VW products to be either chick-biased or "gay-karts."

3. Any Isuzu-type SUV. Men and/or butch lesbians will go ahead and make the committment to the Jeep or pick-up. Women tend to want to dabble in the SUV field and still have something "cute." This is why women in combat is such an issue. They would accessorize their field uniform. (Plus, camoflouge tends to make them look "hippy" and low-waisted.)

4. The previously cool-as-all-hell Mazda Miata. While Officially not yet a Chick Car, it is dangerously close to induction in my book.

5. Any and all Suburu's. I knew one guy that bought one. 3 months later he "outed" himself and moved out of state. Hi Chad! Oh, and he was so very gay.


Although not a Chick Car, this car or style of cars should make some list of dubious honor. I'm talking about the Camaro / Trans Am / Firebird / IROC-Z - style of car popular among young Italian-wannabes and crystal meth addicts. When asked at the local 7-11, even the owner of an IROC could not tell me what IROC stood for. For those meth heads that want to know, it really stands for "International Race of Champions". However, "Italian Retards Out Cruising" seems more empirically accurate. Or maybe "I'm Rarely Out of Crystal."

This is a list in progress, pressed for time, today. I'm open for suggestions.

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