I just realized that my previous post looked like I was considering one type of penis as attractive. That is not what I meant to imply. In my opinion, penises are gross protuberances, objects of mere funtion, purely utilitarian. Egad.
I was talking to a client the other day and she kept interupting me to YELL at her daughter. "MacKenzie!! Mommy's on the phone!" I got to thinking how much I hate trendy names for kids.
Here is my list of names which I feel it should be illegal to name your child because it is abusive:
1. Madison- THE end all be all trendy as hell name of the 90's. Holy God in Heaven, if I see another child with this name, so help me God, I want to smack the mother in the head with a shovel. I saw "Moonlighting", too. I liked Cybil (see list) Shepard as much as the next guy. I liked how they never showed her without the filter or the soft-lighting.
2. Kayla- See above, except substitute 90's for 80's.
3. Kylee-See above
3.25 Kaylee- Seek medical attention
3.5 Kaitlin- See above
3.75 Caitlin - For those that think spelling it with a "K" will make them too trendy.
4. Ashley-See above
5. Chandler- Woe to them that curse their child with this most gender bending name. I'm willing to bet that the teen suicide rate of kids named Chandler wlll be 5 times great than "normal named" children. Not to mention the frequency of playground beatings.
6. Cheyenne - An Indian tribe, not a name.
7. Dakota - A state, not a name.
8. MacKenzie - A plaid, not an name.
9. Cole - A fossil fuel synonym, not a name.
10. Lane - A street, not a name.
11. Chase - A bank, and what one cuts to in a slow movie, not a name.
12. Faraby- I dated one of these. Not a bit psycho, nope, not a bit.
13. Logan- A Boston airport, not a name.
14. Wanda- "But it's a family name..." is NOT an excuse.
15. Lily- Too tough to say. I got a vasectomy, just to avoid having a Lily.
16. Miles - "How 'bout we skip the beating and I just give you my luch money."
17. Eriq or Erich. - Spell it with a C and shut the hell up.
18. Tres- as in "The Third" , yea, I get it. Neat.
19. Connor
20 Haley
21. Peyton
22. Duncan - Look, I loved the Yo-Yo too, but why don't I see Slinky on the list? Or Magic 8-Ball? or Mr. Potato-Head?
23. Bailey- On the rocks, yes. On my kids book bag, no.
24. Dylan- A good name for parents to pick when they figure the name "Nancy-Boy" is just too manly.
25. Mikayla- A grotesque bastardization of all that is evil.
26. Hannah - The bad half of a cartoon dynasty.
27. Hunter
28. Lindsey
29. Sydney- For a girl? Why?
30. The rest: of the shameful contenders: Brittney, Britnay, Jon-Bennet, Jordan, Alexa, Brianna, Michaela, Marissa, Isabella (Sorry, Hadji), Autumn, Summer, Shelby, Austin, Dalton, Tristan, Mason, Bryce, Spencer, .....feel free to add.
The true test of whether a name is a trendy piece of crap:
Go to a park on a busy Saturday morning and yell the name. If more than 1 dog runs your way, pick a new name.
I was talking to a client the other day and she kept interupting me to YELL at her daughter. "MacKenzie!! Mommy's on the phone!" I got to thinking how much I hate trendy names for kids.
Here is my list of names which I feel it should be illegal to name your child because it is abusive:
1. Madison- THE end all be all trendy as hell name of the 90's. Holy God in Heaven, if I see another child with this name, so help me God, I want to smack the mother in the head with a shovel. I saw "Moonlighting", too. I liked Cybil (see list) Shepard as much as the next guy. I liked how they never showed her without the filter or the soft-lighting.
2. Kayla- See above, except substitute 90's for 80's.
3. Kylee-See above
3.25 Kaylee- Seek medical attention
3.5 Kaitlin- See above
3.75 Caitlin - For those that think spelling it with a "K" will make them too trendy.
4. Ashley-See above
5. Chandler- Woe to them that curse their child with this most gender bending name. I'm willing to bet that the teen suicide rate of kids named Chandler wlll be 5 times great than "normal named" children. Not to mention the frequency of playground beatings.
6. Cheyenne - An Indian tribe, not a name.
7. Dakota - A state, not a name.
8. MacKenzie - A plaid, not an name.
9. Cole - A fossil fuel synonym, not a name.
10. Lane - A street, not a name.
11. Chase - A bank, and what one cuts to in a slow movie, not a name.
12. Faraby- I dated one of these. Not a bit psycho, nope, not a bit.
13. Logan- A Boston airport, not a name.
14. Wanda- "But it's a family name..." is NOT an excuse.
15. Lily- Too tough to say. I got a vasectomy, just to avoid having a Lily.
16. Miles - "How 'bout we skip the beating and I just give you my luch money."
17. Eriq or Erich. - Spell it with a C and shut the hell up.
18. Tres- as in "The Third" , yea, I get it. Neat.
19. Connor
20 Haley
21. Peyton
22. Duncan - Look, I loved the Yo-Yo too, but why don't I see Slinky on the list? Or Magic 8-Ball? or Mr. Potato-Head?
23. Bailey- On the rocks, yes. On my kids book bag, no.
24. Dylan- A good name for parents to pick when they figure the name "Nancy-Boy" is just too manly.
25. Mikayla- A grotesque bastardization of all that is evil.
26. Hannah - The bad half of a cartoon dynasty.
27. Hunter
28. Lindsey
29. Sydney- For a girl? Why?
30. The rest: of the shameful contenders: Brittney, Britnay, Jon-Bennet, Jordan, Alexa, Brianna, Michaela, Marissa, Isabella (Sorry, Hadji), Autumn, Summer, Shelby, Austin, Dalton, Tristan, Mason, Bryce, Spencer, .....feel free to add.
The true test of whether a name is a trendy piece of crap:
Go to a park on a busy Saturday morning and yell the name. If more than 1 dog runs your way, pick a new name.
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