About a week ago, I was at work late and I found a lighter by one of the copiers. It was a white Cricket lighter with a 7-11 logo on it. I knew that chances were very good that it belonged to the office semi-hottie, Michelle. I pocket it. Next day, some of the girls stop by my office on their way out for a smoke and ask if I want to come out with them. Wanting to take a little break and look at their butts, I decide to go along. I bum a smoke off Michelle and light both of ours with the found lighter. She says she lost it. I playfully say, "Yeah, you did, that's a shame," and pocket it again. She asks if she can have it back. I say that according to a 1973 Supreme Court case, "Feindahrs versus Keepehrs," I technically don't have to. I tell her that in a 5-4 decision, the court ruled in favor of Mr. Feindahrs. The Court took all of July in 1973 hearing and arguing it, finally, Justice Rehnquist wrote the majority opinion giving Feindahrs the victory. It was challenged in 1982, in "Loessers v. Weepers," but the Supreme Court still upheld "Feindahrs."
We all have a good laugh. I kept the lighter.

A few days go by.

Today she "serves" me with a "Joint Custody Agreement" in regards to the lighter, stating that custody shall be shared, her in the morning, me in the afternoon, alternate weekends and holidays. I refused to sign and told her I had to do some research.

Anyone familiar with any cases I could site as precedence?

All I've found so far is a rarely mentioned case very similar to mine from 1984, "Stephoff v. Beeyatch." Justice O'Connor wrote a 3 page opinion in favor of the plaintiff, Stephoff, while Justices Kennedy, Scalia, and White each wrote a separate dissent, claiming that the defendant, Beeyatch, had inferior counsel.
Any others you can think of might be helpful.