*The following text does NOT make me gay. I repeat, the following text does NOT make me gay.
Ok, so I just got done with the paper work on "Dave" and his partner "Sam." This was the first time I have actually met "Sam." I have to admit, he is a good looking guy. I'm sorry, fellas, but I am secure enough in my heterosexuality and manhood to be able to appreciate when another guy is good looking. I'm no pole-smoking butt-pirate, but that guy is good looking.
As for the house, my appraiser was 100% correct. Absolutely steeped in gayness. Saturated with gayness. Overflowing with gayness. Palpable physical gayness. Ubiquitous gayness. Breathtakingly gay. Sphincter-twitchingly gay. Mind numbing gayness. Oppressively gay. Not so much Paul Lynde gay or Rock Hudson gay. (Si! Senor Hudson este mui mucho gay!) Full bore Liberace gay. I'm talking it was Christopher Lowell gay. Fabulously gay. If it were any more gay, it would need a third floor. I felt as if a window should have been opened to let some of the gay out. A Feng Shui Master would have to spend weeks analyzing how to arrange the proper balance of gayness. Painfully gay. Richard Simmons would shreik, "This is WAY TOO GAY!" I think I got some gay on me. I was affraid I was going to sit in some gay or step on some gay. I felt as if I was involuntarily growing a John Waters pencil-thin mustache the longer I sat. Truly, it was a black-hole of gayness. Gayness so concentrated that it could bend both light and time: I walked out 3 years younger than when I walked in. It was as if some sort of "Gay-tron" nuclear weapon armed with 50 kilo-tons of Gaytonium or Fagranium had been detonated, leaving the landscape devoid of anything remotely hetero. I was too scared to fart, for fear that if it were too high-pitched it would trigger some sort of Anal-Virgin Detector, or too low-pitched it would have been a mating call and sent them into a frenzy. As I was leaving, I had the urge to wipe my feet off before I left so as to not track any of the gay out. As I drove home, I actually felt as if I still had some gay on me.
Other than that, I like what they've done to the place.
Ok, so I just got done with the paper work on "Dave" and his partner "Sam." This was the first time I have actually met "Sam." I have to admit, he is a good looking guy. I'm sorry, fellas, but I am secure enough in my heterosexuality and manhood to be able to appreciate when another guy is good looking. I'm no pole-smoking butt-pirate, but that guy is good looking.
As for the house, my appraiser was 100% correct. Absolutely steeped in gayness. Saturated with gayness. Overflowing with gayness. Palpable physical gayness. Ubiquitous gayness. Breathtakingly gay. Sphincter-twitchingly gay. Mind numbing gayness. Oppressively gay. Not so much Paul Lynde gay or Rock Hudson gay. (Si! Senor Hudson este mui mucho gay!) Full bore Liberace gay. I'm talking it was Christopher Lowell gay. Fabulously gay. If it were any more gay, it would need a third floor. I felt as if a window should have been opened to let some of the gay out. A Feng Shui Master would have to spend weeks analyzing how to arrange the proper balance of gayness. Painfully gay. Richard Simmons would shreik, "This is WAY TOO GAY!" I think I got some gay on me. I was affraid I was going to sit in some gay or step on some gay. I felt as if I was involuntarily growing a John Waters pencil-thin mustache the longer I sat. Truly, it was a black-hole of gayness. Gayness so concentrated that it could bend both light and time: I walked out 3 years younger than when I walked in. It was as if some sort of "Gay-tron" nuclear weapon armed with 50 kilo-tons of Gaytonium or Fagranium had been detonated, leaving the landscape devoid of anything remotely hetero. I was too scared to fart, for fear that if it were too high-pitched it would trigger some sort of Anal-Virgin Detector, or too low-pitched it would have been a mating call and sent them into a frenzy. As I was leaving, I had the urge to wipe my feet off before I left so as to not track any of the gay out. As I drove home, I actually felt as if I still had some gay on me.
Other than that, I like what they've done to the place.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home