Edited-This is a PG-13 Rated Post. Please wake up and relaize that sometimes grown-ups actually do discuss this in a fun way!


Ok, so I don't know exactly how this started, but the other night after work, myself and some female work friends started coming up with different CLEAN synonyms or euphamisms for um, you know, um, let's say 'pleasuring yourself'. Needless to say, these weren't church friends. This was a rather secular crowd, but friends nonetheless. So far, for the women we have.......

1. Soaking in Palmolive (By far my favorite.)
2. Checking the oil
3. Polishing the wedding ring
4. Pre-heating the oven
5. Digging for my keys
6. Jocelyn Elder-ing (Our former US Surgeon General who got in trouble for her remarks about teaching self-love as a way to promote abstinance.)
7. Parting the Red Sea (Apparently this is a girl / timing thing.)
8. Flicking the bean (Style related, I guess.)
9. Flicking the lights on and off
10. Trying on the mitten
11. Buttering the muffin
12. Getting a stain out of the carpet
13. Add your own in the comment section..........(but for the love of God, try to keep it clean and try not to use the standard clam, taco, beaver, digit, etc. references.)

For MEN: who really cares? We've heard them all before. Most involve a Bishop or a Dolphin and/or the words "flogging" , "pulling", or "slapping." They just aren't that funny.
Some that are kinda funny are listed below in no sense of order:

Charting Mount Baldy
Playing a little 5-on-one
Giving Yule Brynner a scalp massage
Dating Miss Michigan (Look at a map)
Pee Wee's Big Adventure
Doing a little AUTOEXEC.BAT
Secret Handshake
Once again, feel free to submit your own, but keep it clean, please.
Gotta go to work.