I think I may have reached my temporary saturation point regarding all things bin Laden, WTC, etc. In light of this realization, I think I will resort to an old comfort of mine, and that is making a list of the people and things that I hate or could live without, and why. I realize that as a Christian I should try to love these people. I am trying, but my feelings for them are so very strong, perhaps this will help me vent. Although they are numbered, they are not in any strict order, per se. My version of the perfect world does not include the following:
1. Barbara Striesand - One freakishly egotistical bitch. Everything about her annoys me. Her mannerisms, her politics, her ego, all of it. I thought she said she was going to leave the country if Dubya won the election. Beat it!
1.5 Martin Sheen- I swear, this prick actually thinks he was elected president. Putting a cig out on the floor of the National Cathedral? You PRICK!
2. Hillary Clinton- see above. Would it kill her to wear a dress and not act like she had a bigger set of balls than me? I mean, we all know she does.
3. Alec Baldwin- Aside from that killer 3 minute speech in "Glenn Gary Glenn Ross" his acting belongs on a middle school stage. Wasn't he "threatening" to leave, too? Beat it, and take your skinny, broke, cat huggin' wife with ya, punk.
4. Liza Minelli- It's over, honey. Stop dying the hair "China-man Black", no one cares who your mom was. Except Rosie.
5. Rosie O'Donnell- You big headed, unfunny, talentless, closeted homo.
5.5 Speaking of homos....Michael Jackson. My only comfort comes from the fact that your inner misery is so apparent.
6. Roseann Barr- From the first day I saw this mongoloid pig, I have hated her passionately. She represents every big mouthed Liberal Pro-choice Feminist woman to me.
7. Tom Greene- Funny for the first month. It's over. Be happy we let you have Drew. Now, if you'd both graciously just leave. Thank you.
8. Anyone that uses ANY of the following words should be stabbed in the side of the head with one of those corn-on-the-cob holders your Grandmother put out on Thanksgiving:
Paradigm (When I hear someone say this, my eyes squint up, my upper lip quivers on one side and I think of what I could use as a weapon...pencil, stapler, tie.....)
Per se (Yes, I see the irony.)
Think outside the box
Proactive
Mis-pronouncing "Nuclear" as "Nuke-u-lar." It's subtle, but it drives me insane.
"Supposably"
Have a sit-down
Get in front of
Get on the same page
As it were
At this point in time
Sphere of influence (this is used by people who have heard of sales, but never actually made one and their career doesn't depend on them)
E-.......(anything)
Vis a vis
"Aks" or "Aksed" - As in " Can I aks you something?" or "He aksed me a question." (Ask)
"Finna" - As in "I finna go to work." (Fixing to)
Any and all verbal ticks. Um. OK? Know what I mean? Gnome saying? Um. OK? Know what I mean? Gnome saying? Um. OK? Know what I mean? Gnome saying? No. I don't.
"and she's like 'bitch'..... and I'm like 'so'....then she's like 'fat ass'...so he was like 'ouch'.......and then I'm all like 'fat bitch'......"
Feel free to add to that.....
9. Al Sharpton
10. Ed Asner
11. Susan Sarandon
12. Mike Farrell
13. Paul Newman. Yes, Paul Newman. Nice salad dressing. But shut your fat yap, you annoying Liberal prick.
14. Tom Cruise- You short talentless fag.
15. John Travolta
16. Mumia Abu Jamal
17. Al Gore
18. Patricia Ireland
19. Any Chinese guys named "Kevin". C'mon, how many of you can there be?!
20. People with visible tattoos.
21. Robin Williams - Despite what you may think, Robin, you are NOT funny.
22. Anyone named Judd. (Hirsch. Nelson. Naomi, etc.)
23. Did I mention Tom Cruise?
24. I'm affraid Julia Roberts is not going to make the cut. Look, you're pretty, we get it. Now, beat it.
25. The fatter one, now, out of "Cagney and Lacey" Damn, how did that show ever make it out of committee? "2 tough lesbo detectives....."
26. Oprah. Phoney secularist.
27. Anne Heche. Face it, Annie. You licked her to put your name on the map.
28. The Sopranos.
29. People that think the world is their ashtray. PIGS.
30. People who speed through residential areas and school zones.
31. Janet Reno - C'mon, honey. Take off the dress and get your prostrate checked.
32. The "Mango" skit on SNL. It wasn't funny the first 11 times and it's still not funny.
33. People that have their picture on their business cards.
34. People that have their pictures on their business cards of them on the phone. Look, a camera, I'm so busy, I have to make a call!
35. Florine from the "Weight Watchers" commercials.
36. People that do the "air quotes" like Dr. Evil.
37. People that over pronounce either French or Spanish pronounciactions. As in "Chimichaaaaaanga"
38. I could do without most Canadians. Like whats-his-face on "Spin City"....the shakey little guy with Parkinsons......Michael J. Fox. Why don't you grab a Molson and shake your little self back up north, eh? Don't let the border hit you on the ass on the way out. Good day, eh?
39. Cher. Just one name? Just one word: leave. And take Madonna with you, please.
40. I don't know how I could have forgotten Bill Mahr. Big-nosed unfunny Libertarian.
1. Barbara Striesand - One freakishly egotistical bitch. Everything about her annoys me. Her mannerisms, her politics, her ego, all of it. I thought she said she was going to leave the country if Dubya won the election. Beat it!
1.5 Martin Sheen- I swear, this prick actually thinks he was elected president. Putting a cig out on the floor of the National Cathedral? You PRICK!
2. Hillary Clinton- see above. Would it kill her to wear a dress and not act like she had a bigger set of balls than me? I mean, we all know she does.
3. Alec Baldwin- Aside from that killer 3 minute speech in "Glenn Gary Glenn Ross" his acting belongs on a middle school stage. Wasn't he "threatening" to leave, too? Beat it, and take your skinny, broke, cat huggin' wife with ya, punk.
4. Liza Minelli- It's over, honey. Stop dying the hair "China-man Black", no one cares who your mom was. Except Rosie.
5. Rosie O'Donnell- You big headed, unfunny, talentless, closeted homo.
5.5 Speaking of homos....Michael Jackson. My only comfort comes from the fact that your inner misery is so apparent.
6. Roseann Barr- From the first day I saw this mongoloid pig, I have hated her passionately. She represents every big mouthed Liberal Pro-choice Feminist woman to me.
7. Tom Greene- Funny for the first month. It's over. Be happy we let you have Drew. Now, if you'd both graciously just leave. Thank you.
8. Anyone that uses ANY of the following words should be stabbed in the side of the head with one of those corn-on-the-cob holders your Grandmother put out on Thanksgiving:
Paradigm (When I hear someone say this, my eyes squint up, my upper lip quivers on one side and I think of what I could use as a weapon...pencil, stapler, tie.....)
Per se (Yes, I see the irony.)
Think outside the box
Proactive
Mis-pronouncing "Nuclear" as "Nuke-u-lar." It's subtle, but it drives me insane.
"Supposably"
Have a sit-down
Get in front of
Get on the same page
As it were
At this point in time
Sphere of influence (this is used by people who have heard of sales, but never actually made one and their career doesn't depend on them)
E-.......(anything)
Vis a vis
"Aks" or "Aksed" - As in " Can I aks you something?" or "He aksed me a question." (Ask)
"Finna" - As in "I finna go to work." (Fixing to)
Any and all verbal ticks. Um. OK? Know what I mean? Gnome saying? Um. OK? Know what I mean? Gnome saying? Um. OK? Know what I mean? Gnome saying? No. I don't.
"and she's like 'bitch'..... and I'm like 'so'....then she's like 'fat ass'...so he was like 'ouch'.......and then I'm all like 'fat bitch'......"
Feel free to add to that.....
9. Al Sharpton
10. Ed Asner
11. Susan Sarandon
12. Mike Farrell
13. Paul Newman. Yes, Paul Newman. Nice salad dressing. But shut your fat yap, you annoying Liberal prick.
14. Tom Cruise- You short talentless fag.
15. John Travolta
16. Mumia Abu Jamal
17. Al Gore
18. Patricia Ireland
19. Any Chinese guys named "Kevin". C'mon, how many of you can there be?!
20. People with visible tattoos.
21. Robin Williams - Despite what you may think, Robin, you are NOT funny.
22. Anyone named Judd. (Hirsch. Nelson. Naomi, etc.)
23. Did I mention Tom Cruise?
24. I'm affraid Julia Roberts is not going to make the cut. Look, you're pretty, we get it. Now, beat it.
25. The fatter one, now, out of "Cagney and Lacey" Damn, how did that show ever make it out of committee? "2 tough lesbo detectives....."
26. Oprah. Phoney secularist.
27. Anne Heche. Face it, Annie. You licked her to put your name on the map.
28. The Sopranos.
29. People that think the world is their ashtray. PIGS.
30. People who speed through residential areas and school zones.
31. Janet Reno - C'mon, honey. Take off the dress and get your prostrate checked.
32. The "Mango" skit on SNL. It wasn't funny the first 11 times and it's still not funny.
33. People that have their picture on their business cards.
34. People that have their pictures on their business cards of them on the phone. Look, a camera, I'm so busy, I have to make a call!
35. Florine from the "Weight Watchers" commercials.
36. People that do the "air quotes" like Dr. Evil.
37. People that over pronounce either French or Spanish pronounciactions. As in "Chimichaaaaaanga"
38. I could do without most Canadians. Like whats-his-face on "Spin City"....the shakey little guy with Parkinsons......Michael J. Fox. Why don't you grab a Molson and shake your little self back up north, eh? Don't let the border hit you on the ass on the way out. Good day, eh?
39. Cher. Just one name? Just one word: leave. And take Madonna with you, please.
40. I don't know how I could have forgotten Bill Mahr. Big-nosed unfunny Libertarian.
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