This thing almost made it to be 36 hours old.







I find it funny how many times I hear people casually say "religous right."
Do they ever say "atheist left?"
It's funny really, how that anyone who goes to church, owns a Bible, or professes a faith in anything higher than the ACLU, is immediately called a "crazy Bible thumping fundamentalist Conservative Christian."
We're also called "ultra-conservatives." Is there such a thing as "ultra-liberals," or "left-wingers?"
Really, all you have to do is say that you are not in favor of abortion or in favor of "Under God" and suddenly you are tagged as a woman-hating, Bible-thumping, ultra-conservative, religous right-wing extremist.
Ironically, some tool like Jesse Jackson....I'm sorry, the REVEREND Jesse Jackson somehow escapes this. As does practicing Baptist Bill "Suck me" Clinton.
I think I've finally figured out that I am guilty of being a conservative white guy. New label: "angry white man."

I originally posted this to some liberal-pagan-Cub's fan-feminist's site, but, since I'm a lazy bastard, this is the most you'll get out of me on this:

I get a kick out of how elated liberals are over this. I wonder if the lawyer that argued this case got paid with money that says "In God We Trust". If it's so offensive, will he accept it?
I find most liberals delusional when it comes to the issue of the so-called "separation of church and state." Show me the words "separation", "church", or "state" anywhere in the first amendment. Can't do it. (So WHAT exactly is truly unconstitutional?!) It protects against the *establishment * of a state religion. The phrase "separation..." came into being when Jefferson responded to a Baptist church's concern that the government would meddle in church affairs, so he assured the minister that there should be a "separation...." That assurance he wrote of wasn't a meant to protect atheists or pagans from us who obviously want to indoctrinate you, but rather to keep the state out of our business. If I ignore the fact that this attempt to legislate from the bench by some activist judge will be overturned, I just wonder when or where this will end. We won't be able to sing "America the Beautiful" anymore. "God Bless America" is out. Our money is no good. It never ceases to amaze me, the sheer stupidity of liberals and the things that they will allow themselves to be distacted by. We are at war. The Democrats already have no hope of a 2004 Presidential win, now, any Democrat that supports this in any way has all but handed a Republican challenger his seat. So, with that in mind, thank you, keep up the good work. Idiot. The GOP couldn't have paid enough for this one.

So it turns out that some "feminist" people I know were celebrating the 30th anniversary of Title IX. Like most guys I know, you're probably scratching your head asking, "What the hell is that?" Unless you have suffered from it, you are excused from not knowing or caring. Sadly however, thousands of young men around the country have been subjected to having their scholarships dropped or their team sport eliminated from the athletic program to satisfy Title IX. Thankfully, not all feminists have their heads up their asses. These gals have a clue about just how stupid Title IX has become. Like most laws of it's kind, it set out to cure a wrong, but in the end, it created more problems than it set out to cure in the first place.

Excerpt:

"We've Come the Wrong Way, Baby

By Christine Stolba
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When President Richard M. Nixon signed Title IX into law in 1972, few would have predicted that the statute designed to provide equal opportunity would have a damaging effect on college athletics, forcing many colleges to eliminate popular teams and provoking costly lawsuits by aggrieved female athletes and radical feminist organizations.

Title IX, part of a larger education bill, simply stated, “No person in the United States shall, on the basis of sex, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or be subjected to discrimination under any education program or activity receiving Federal financial assistance.”

What happened to make this straightforward provision in the law a nightmare for college and university athletic departments?

The Office for Civil Rights (OCR), the agency in charge of enforcing Title IX, developed a three-prong test to determine if schools were in compliance with Title IX:

• The ratio of male and female athletes closely paralleled the ratio of male and female students;

• Colleges could demonstrate a history of expanding opportunities for athletes of the under-represented sex; or

• Colleges could show that the interests of the under-represented sex had been fully and effectively accommodated.

In theory a school needed only to meet one of the three prongs, but in practice, after a Title IX lawsuit called Cohen v. Brown University in 1991, the first—achieving statistical proportionality in athletic programs—became the best way to avoid a lawsuit or OCR investigation. In practice, of course, in a student body where boys nearly always express higher levels of interest in sports than girls and where male sports such as football have larger team rosters than women’s sports such as volleyball, the proportionality test quickly became a brutal numbers game. Frequently, it was a game that colleges could not win unless they got rid of men’s teams.

As a result of Title IX, in less than a decade, more than 80,000 slots for male athletes on intercollegiate teams have disappeared from college campuses. The National Organization for Women, the National Women’s Law Center, and the Women’s Sports Foundation have been aggressively suing colleges and universities to enforce proportionality."
END OF EXCERPT

I can not imagine that we are too far off from some woman claiming a "right" to reparations from a University because she was denied a softball team.
Damn, the more I read of this CRAP, the madder I get! These hysterical chicks are clucking, screaming, and crying "Foul" because they've "discovered" that the traditional workforce doesn't show their ideal of gender parity. It shockingly turns out that only 2.5% of all firefighters are female, as well as only 1.5% of all heating/air-conditioning mechanics are female. Amazingly, only .02% of all tool and die makers are female. "Something must be done!" Hey there Billy Jean, have you and Martina ever stopped to think that maybe most women don't want to be in these fields? Maybe that's the reason for the statistical variance? The problem may not be that the angry, stupid, white-man is putting you down and keeping you down, but rather, maybe, just maybe, most women just don't want to work at Jiffy Lube?! Maybe they don't want to be the women you want them to be. Here's an idea: instead of trying to litigate so other girls and women become welders, why don't you slip off your comfortable shoes and put on some work boots and pick up a cutting torch?

Ever want to know what the hell Muslims think about America? Be affraid.

Sample:
"Why is the world surprised?! Why were millions of people astounded by what happened to America on September 11? Did the world think that anything else would happen? That something less than this would happen?!"

"What happened to America is something natural, an expected event for a country that uses terror, arrogant policy, and suppression against the nations and the peoples, and imposes a single method, thought, and way of life, as if the people of the entire world are clerks in its government offices and employed by its commercial companies and institutions."

"Anyone who was surprised, and did not expect [the events of September 11] did not [understand] the nature of man, and the effects of oppression and tyranny on man's emotions and feelings. They thought that oppression begets surrender, that repression begets silence, that tyranny only leaves humiliation. Perhaps they also thought that this [oppressive] atmosphere is sufficient to kill man's virility, shatter his will, and uproot his honor. These people erred twice: once when they ignored [the consequences of] treating man with contempt, and again when they were unaware of man's ability to triumph."



Ever want to know what the mother of a suicide bomber thinks? Be very affraid.

Sample:
Q: "How did the idea of carrying out a Fidaai [martyrdom] operation develop in [your son] Muhammad's soul?"

Umm Nidal: "Jihad is a [religious] commandment imposed upon us. We must instill this idea in our sons' souls, all the time... What we see every day - massacres, destruction, bombing [of] homes - strengthened, in the souls of my sons, especially Muhammad, the love of Jihad and martyrdom."

Q: "Did you have a role in the planting of this spirit in Muhammad?"

Umm Nidal: "Allah be praised, I am a Muslim and I believe in Jihad. Jihad is one of the elements of the faith and this is what encouraged me to sacrifice Muhammad in Jihad for the sake of Allah. My son was not destroyed, he is not dead; he is living a happier life than I. Had my thoughts been limited to this world, I would not sacrifice Muhammad."

"I am a compassionate mother to my children, and they are compassionate towards me and take care of me. Because I love my son, I encouraged him to die a martyr's death for the sake of Allah... Jihad is a religious obligation incumbent upon us, and we must carry it out. I sacrificed Muhammad as part of my obligation."

"This is an easy thing. There is no disagreement [among scholars] on such matters. The happiness in this world is an incomplete happiness; eternal happiness is life in the world to come, through martyrdom. Allah be praised, my son has attained this happiness."

"I prayed from the depths of my heart that Allah would cause the success of his operation. I asked Allah to give me 10 [Israelis] for Muhammad, and Allah granted my request and Muhammad made his dream come true, killing 10 Israeli settlers and soldiers. Our God honored him even more, in that there were many Israelis wounded."

"When the operation was over, the media broadcast the news. Then Muhammad's brother came to me and informed me of his martyrdom. I began to cry, 'Allah is the greatest,' and prayed and thanked Allah for the success of the operation. I began to utter cries of joy and we declared that we were happy. The young people began to fire into the air out of joy over the success of the operation, as this is what we had hoped for him."

"After the martyrdom [operation], my heart was peaceful about Muhammad. I encouraged all my sons to die a martyr's death, and I wish this even for myself. After all this, I prepared myself to receive the body of my son, the pure shahid, in order to look upon him one last time and accept the well-wishers who [came] to us in large numbers and participated in our joy over Muhammad's martyrdom..."(1)


If any of the above makes you sick, congratulations, you are a sentient & civilized human being.
If it doesn't, congratulations, you are a liberal, probably engossed in fighting for the "civil rights" of current detainees. Someone else once had this mentallity of victimization, of a moral and divine obligation and superiority. His name was Adolph Hitler. I have no doubt you would be defending him right now, too. You could somehow come up with the idea that killing Nazis because of "ideological differences" was akin to what you like to call a "Hate-crime." Please, for the sake of my children, PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR LIBERAL UTOPIAN IDEALISTIC ASS BEFORE YOU GET MORE TRULY SANE, CIVILIZED AND INNOCENT PEOPLE KILLED, YOU STUPID, STUPID, STUPID FUCK!!!

Why do I love this movie so much? Maybe it's Peter Sellers playing 3 different roles. I don't know, but I find myself watching it about once a month. It just makes me laugh. The scene when the President calls the Soviet Premier about the impending nuclear strike and their subsequent dialogue just kills me.


Through the miracle of cut and paste, I'll share possibly the funniest scene in cinematic history........enjoy.

The President to the Soviet Premier over "the red phone": Hullo? ... Ah ... Hello, Dm... ah ... Hello, Dmitri? ... Listen, ah, I can't hear too well. Do you suppose you could turn down the music just a little? ... Oh-ho, that's much better. ... yeah ... ha ... yes ... Fine, I can hear you now, Dmitri. ... Clear and plain and coming through fine. ... I'm coming through fine, too, eh? ... Good, then ... well, then, as you say, we're both coming trough fine. ... Good. ... Well, it's good that you're fine and ... and I'm fine. ... I agree with you, it's great to be fine. ... a-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Now then, Dmitri, you know how we've always talked about the possibility of something going wrong with the bomb. ... The bomb , Dmitri. ... The hydrogenbomb! ... Well now, what happened is ... ah ... one of our base commanders had a sort of ... well, he went a little funny in the head ... you know ... just a little ... funny. And, ah ... he went and did a silly thing. ... Well, I'll tell you what he did. He ordered his planes ... to attack your country... Ah... Well, let me finish, Dmitri. ... Let me finish, Dmitri. ... Well listen, how do you think I feel about it?! ... Can you imagine how I feel about it, Dmitri? ... Why do you think I'm calling? Just to say hello? ... Of courseI like to speak to you! ... Of course I like to say hello! ... Not now, but anytime, Dmitri. I'm just calling up to tell you something terrible has happened... It's a friendly call. Of course it's a friendly call. ... Listen, if it wasn't friendly ... you probably wouldn't have even got it. ... They will not reach their targets for at least another hour. ... I am ... I am positive, Dmitri. ... Listen, I've been all over this with your ambassador. It is not a trick. ... Well, I'll tell you.


We'd like to give your air staff a complete run-down on the targets, the flight plans, and the defensive systems of the planes. ... Yes! I mean i-i-i-if we're unable to recall the planes, then ... I'd say that, ah ... well, ah ... we're just gonna have to help you destroy them, Dmitri. ... I know they're our boys. ... All right, well listen now. Who should we call? ... Whoshould we call, Dmitri? The ... wha-whe, the People... you, sorry, you faded away there. ... The People's Central Air Defense Headquarters. ... Where is that, Dmitri? ... In Omsk. ... Right. ... Yes. ... Oh, you'll call them first, will you? ... Uh-hu ... Listen, do you happen to have the phone number on you, Dmitri? ... Whe-ah, what? I see, just ask for Omsk information. ... Ah-ah-eh-uhm-hm ... I'm sorry, too, Dmitri. ... I'm very sorry. ... All right , you're sorrier than I am, but I am as sorry as well. ... I am as sorry as you are, Dmitri! Don't say that you're the more sorry than I am, because I'm capable of being just as sorry as you are. ... So we're both sorry, all right?! ... All right. ... (hangs up the phone.)



Watching Sellers play the President in this situation makes me glad we don't currently have a President Gore right now.

I haven't beat either of these 2 drums lately. Luckily I can do both at the same time: Liberal Media bias regarding abortion? You decide.

Two Arabs boarded a flight out of New York .

One sat in the window seat and the other sat in the middle seat. Just
before takeoff, an American got on and took the aisle seat. After
takeoff, the American kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was
settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I think I'll get up
and get a beer."

"No problem," said the American, "I'll get it for you."

While he was gone, one of the Arabs picked up the American's shoe and
spat in it. When he returned with the beer, the other Arab said, "That
looks good, I think I'll have one too."

Again, the American obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone,
the other Arab picked up the other shoe and spat in it. When the
American returned to his seat, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.

As the plane was landing, the American slipped his feet into his shoes
and knew immediately what had happened. "Why does it have to be this
way?" he asked. "How long must this go on? This fighting between our
nations? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing
in beers?"

Not that I'm psychic or anything, but.......... the next print ad for a wrist-watch that you see, the time on the watch will be ten minutes after 10:00. It doesn't matter what brand of watch or what magazine you see it in, the time on the watch will be 10:10. Go. Find a magazine. Find an ad for any watch. Ten after ten.

Thanks, Hadj. I needed a good laugh and when I saw "Jim Swarthow", I got it. (FYI- it's "Swarthout" but only a dick like me would bother to point that out. Played by William Sanderson AKA "I'm Larry, this is my brother Daryl and this is my other brother Daryl." Can you believe that in real life that guy has a Law degree?! The mistake is acceptable only because you picked such an obscenely obscure character.) Of course, Jerry started the whole thing with his Oldsmobuick reference. Is there any doubt that if we absolutely had to, we could do the entire movie line for line? I know I could do "Vacation" solo, but I'd need a hand at some parts of "Fletch."

H. Baba showin' some damn impressive character recall.

It seems as if most moronic Liberal fuck-wads have their panties in a bunch over poor Jose Padilla and his civil rights. Jose is the young punk that goes back and forth to Afgahnistan to train with al-Qaida in how to make a "dirty-bomb." They complain that since he is being held indefinately as an enemy combatant without any charges or access to an attorney, his civil rights are being violated. Waaaaaa. The ones doing the complaining are the same ones deriding the intelligence community for not "connecting the dots" prior to Sept. 11th, and therefore trying to place blame that the event could have been prevented had the Feds simply shared information and acted on it. I'm sorry folks, but you can't have it both ways. Aside from a possible immigration violation, one of over 10 million in this country, what would we have picked Muhammed Atta up for? Snazzy dressing? He'd done nothing wrong, committed no crime, aside from wearing a blue silk shirt before lunch and not plucking an almost obscene uni-brow. If we had picked him up and detained him, they would've screamed bloddy murder, civil rights violation, no justice no peace, hey hey ho ho John Ashcroft's got to go, etc, etc. Useless fuck-sticks.

Here's the deal we have in this country: act civil and have rights, act uncivil and you waive those rights. Atta acted civil and that gave him the right to move freely and board a plane. Unfortunate. He took advantage of our system and that aforementioned deal we have. Padilla had no job, no visible means of support, was 'somehow" able to travel abroad extensively, trained with the enemy to learn how to kill us and gets picked up with $10,000 cash in his pocket upon his return. You know, I think we better hold onto that guy until we figure out exactly what the fuck he was up to and people don't get killed. Unless, of course, some of those killed are useless Liberals crying in their double-half-caf-low-foam-skim-latte' grande's over the civil rights lost by this shitbag.
Useless, useless, useless liberals. They bitch just to hear themselves try to sound compassionate and pretend to be smart. Not too smart when you let yourself get blown up by some towel-head that hates every aspect of you, your country, and it's culture. They hate us and want us dead.
(Try to keep in mind that the place that they come from is so advanced that they shit in holes in the sand and wipe their asses with leaves if they're lucky. They have nothing. They produce nothing. They contribute nothing. They earn nothing. They create nothing. They build nothing. They wear bath robes and sit in the dirt. The average income for an Afgahni is a little over $500 per YEAR. Hell, who amung us wouldn't wipe their own ass with a $20 dollar bill if they had to, provided it was soft and absorbant? You see, they want us to be like them. No. So sorry. Not gonna happen, Ahkmed.)
I don't care if he (Padilla) is a US Citizen. Actually, I think that makes it worse for him. This may come as a shock to some Liberals, we are at war. We have men on battlefields risking their lives, some getting killed. We have enemies inside our borders just like we did on Sept. 10th. They are just chompin' at the bit waiting to kill somebody or tens of thousands of somebodies. If one suspicous, furtive little enemy fucker has to be uncomfortable in a millitary prison cell, well, too damn bad. He should have considered that prior to his al-Qaida training, huh?



*Oh, Jerry, this was an original and took about 11 minutes start to finish.

I'm not exactly sure why it started, but the fact remains that at one point, we used to call a friend of ours "Gun." Perhaps it was a "Top Gun" thing, since he was the President of the fraternity at the time, mullet and all, when the movie came out. BUT, one day, someone, somewhere, called him "our little buddy, Gun." I said, "Hey, I went to High School with a guy named Buddy Gunn."
This statement went down in the lore of fraternity history as one of the biggest loads of crap ever told. It was up there with "I'm going to take Paulina Poriskova to formal next year."

To clear my good name, I offer you.................. Buddy Gunn.

Whenever I'm having a so-so or less than so-so day, I like to sit and remember the good old days.

The Top Ten Reasons I haven't seen the new "Star Wars" movie yet:

10. I saw the first one.

9. Didn't see the second, third or fourth ones.

8. I don't live in my mom's basement.

7. Yoda is a muppet, not a real living being.

6. Actually, I tried to watch "Empire" and "Jedi" but fell asleep within 10 minutes.

5. I'm not a geek.

4. I'm not a homo.

3. I'm not 12.

2. I have a problem with space movies that have sound in outer space. Can't happen. You lost me right there.

And, the Number One reason I haven't seen the new "Star Wars" movie yet..........


I'm not a fucking loser!

In the film Titanic the character Rose is shown giving the finger to Jack, another character. Many people who have seen the film question whether "giving the finger" was done around the time of the Titanic disaster, or was it a more recent gesture invented by some defiant seventh-grader. According to research, here's the somewhat true somewhat modern story and then some historical notes:

Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned English longbow and therefore [soldiers would] be incapable of fighting in the future. This famous weapon was made of the native English yew tree, and the act of drawing the longbow was known as "plucking the yew." Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the defeated French, saying, "See, we can still pluck yew!"

Over the years some "folk etymologies" have grown up around this symbolic gesture. Since "pluck yew" is rather difficult to say, like "pheasant mother plucker," which is who you had to go to for the feathers used on the arrows for the longbow, the difficult consonant cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodental fricative "f," and thus the words often used in conjunction with the one-finger salute are mistakenly thought to have something to do with an intimate encounter. It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows that the gesture is known as "giving the bird."

And ye all thought ye knew everything!

As Paul Harvey would say, stay tuned (!) for the rest of the story..............page 2....The Bose Accoustic Wave Radio completely kicks ass! Buy one, bitch! Page 3.........

Now for the historical facts. The "one-finger salute," or at any rate sexual gestures involving the middle finger, are thousands of years old. In Gestures: Their Origins and Distribution, Desmond Morris and colleagues note that the digitus infamis or digitus impudicus (infamous or indecent finger) is mentioned several times in the literature of ancient Rome. Turning to our vast classical library, we quickly turn up three references. Two are from the epigrammatist Martial: "Laugh loudly, Sextillus, when someone calls you a queen and put your middle finger out."

(The verse continues: "But you are no sodomite nor fornicator either, Sextillus, nor is Vetustina's hot mouth your fancy." Martial, and Roman poets in general, could be pretty out there, subject-matter-wise. Another verse begins: "You love to be sodomized, Papylus . . .") This was when the 'Literatus to Penthouse' began with the line "I never thought these letters were true, until I had an experience that altered my cognito....."

In the other reference Martial writes that a certain party "points a finger, an indecent one, at" some other people. The historian Suetonius, writing about Augustus Caesar, says the emperor "expelled [the entertainer] Pylades . . . because when a spectator started to hiss, he called the attention of the whole audience to him with an obscene movement of his middle finger." Morris also claims that the mad emperor Caligula, as an insult, would extend his middle finger for supplicants to kiss.

It's not known whether one displayed the digitus infamis in the same manner that we (well, you) flip the bird today. In another of his books Morris describes a variety of sexual insults involving the middle finger, such as the "middle-finger down prod," the "middle-finger erect," etc., all of which are different from the classic middle-finger jerk. But let's not quibble. The point is, the middle-finger/phallus equation goes back way before the Titanic, the Battle of Agincourt, or probably even that time Sextillus cut off Pylades with his chariot.

And now you know the rest of the story..........Goooo0000OOOOOOd day!

Argus Hamilton could not be reached for comment.

Doing some cyber house cleaning before going to the doctor and going home for the day. Notice, new Maclean text on side bar------>.

Re-read "A River Runs Throught It" last night. As a tribute, I offer the first few pages. If you have time, enjoy. If not, your loss.

I've got a cold kickin' my ass right now. I am so tired and drugged up. I'm going home and crawling in bed. Nick lost a second tooth. Tooth Fairy only gives a buck now. Tooth Fairy didn't have the energy to go to the ATM. I told Nick that I read on the internet that Tooth Fairy was down-sizing due to improvements in dental hygiene and flouridated water.